Saturday, December 4, 2021

James Bond’s Best Bad Jokes

The length of the leap to use an iPhone as a mobile phone is alarming. Seriously, if you could replicate Bond’s ease with a touch, the field would be open to everybody. However, we’re reserving the title for Apple (and Mark Twain).

Of course, over the years, Bond has done gadgets. At the height of his powers, you’d not need to tell him that a telephone was important. After a bumpy marriage to Stephanie in As You Like It, he’s keen to get reacquainted with his younger and more attractive predecessor, the woman who convinced him that he was bulletproof to begin with. As a result, he needs a mobile phone; they’re ubiquitous for all to pick up and text away on, besides.

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But that doesn’t make him use them when he needs them. The real-life incident where his MI6 handler Kirill Ivanovichovich Komarov overhears 007 break into a machine gun in pursuit of a crook and promptly attempts to stop the thief is wonderful.

Although Bond can’t be happy to hear that Komarov has accidentally stolen the cellphone he actually wishes he hadn’t broken, the line is carried seamlessly and mussels are the very last thing on his mind as he swims away.

We’re not sure the Apple iPhone can do this. It’s got very long batteries (until they run out), so the idea of sitting in a chair still tweeting across the world while some poor sap ambles away after bumping into a bus on his way to buying a sandwich is a little too much for Bond. Oh, well.

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